Chapter Three

Chapter Two

This is the third chapter that covers the Craig story. This is the last thing I will be writing from his story for a while – although I do have ideas for where the story is gonna go. I will be writing a couple of one off stories next about different characters. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this (whatever it is). Feedback is appreciated.

Craig’s Story

Craig sat in a dark corner of the club room snorting and sniffing away. Trapped in a stream of jangled thoughts, his heart swelled as he watched the dancers partying their night away. He thought about the club, and his role in the club, and the people, and the people in the club, and Jack, and Brent, and Dom, and Craig, and the club. He couldn’t imagine his life to be anything else.
Sometimes Craig spent his time considering how his life could have been. Everyone always told him that he could be anything he wanted – and he knew they were right. Often when he thought about how his life had turned out, he would be filled with anger. He would lash out at anyone and everything. But that night, in that moment, Craig had found something in himself that had long been forgotten. He’d found drive.
As he brought his keys – laid heavily with thin white powder – to his nose, a beautiful face stepped into the light of the dancefloor. Brent. There he was, smiling and laughing with a group of girls. Craig just watched him for a little while as he whirled around the room.
Brent loved life. All he cared about was Friday night, when he could be let loose from the shackles of society and dance. He loved dancing. Craig had never met anyone who liked to dance – and danced as well – as Brent.
Brent loved dancing, and Craig loved Brent.
Finishing his hit, Craig quickly rubbed his nose and made his way over to the dancefloor.
“Brent!” sung Craig, grabbing him and pulling him into his arms, “I’ve been lookin for you everywhere!”
“Oh my God, Craig! Wasn’t expectin to see you here!”
Craig snogged Brent ferociously, inhaling his essence. “I’ve missed ew, babe. Ows it goin?”
“Le’s go somewhere a bit quieter where we can chat.”
So Craig took Brent by the hand and allowed himself to be led back to the quiet room. The room was completely empty. It was coming up to closing time.
They grabbed a couple of beers and took a seat. “Ow come yer back yer then, Craig?”
“I got me ed sorted out. I ad to get out for a bit, like. Everyone was doin my fuckin ed in!”
“But everythin’s okay now, isit?”
“Yeah, yeah. Brent, I’m gonna properly run the club. No more fuckin about, like. I’m gonna be twenty-nine next month. Gorra get my shit together, like. I spoke to Jack an e says I’m welcome back, like. I won’t go disappearing again, I promise. I wanna be yer with you, Brent.”
“Isi?” remarked Brent. He stared at his bottle of beer. “I dunno, Craig. Like, stuff’s changed while ew’ve been gone…”
“Whaddyou mean?” asked Craig, ears pricking up. He knew what was coming and, suddenly, he wondered why he ever thought it would go any differently.
“I dunno…” Brent trailed off again, “You’ve been gone so long…”
Craig smiled reassuring, and surprised himself by how ready he was to have this conversation. That E was some good shit. He was rolling up the walls.
“Jus say it, Brent,” he encouraged.
“Well… Las night, right, I put somethin up on Facebook… Askin if anyone wanted to come and av a sesh, like. I was bored an jus wanted to ang about, like, ew know? Anyway… I got a load of guys sayin they were up for it… But…”
He had a pained expression on his face. Craig expected the breakup, but he didn’t expect what came next.
Brent sipped his beer. “I didn wanna see any boys, like. I jus didn. I dunno why. I asked this girl to come round and, like, I dunno, Craig…”
Craig knew. If it wasn’t for the strained look of sincere confusion on Brent’s face, then maybe he wouldn’t have understood. But he did. He’d been through it himself before.
He reached out a hand to Brent and squeezed it tight. “It’s alrigh, Brent. I geddit.”
Very few people in their circle did. And for that, Brent was grateful. “Ew do?” he asked hopefully.
“Yeah. Like, ew dunno where yer ed’s at. I geddit. I bin there. We both av. It’s alrigh, babe. Yer, just finish tha and go be with yer mates.”
So they drank their beers and talked and laughed. It must have only been about ten minutes, but to Craig it felt like hours. He loved that boy, but he knew full well that this wasn’t anything that they could control.
When they finished, Brent hugged Craig tightly. “I love ew, ew knows tha, yeah?”
“I know,” purred Craig.
Brent took a step back and looked Craig over once more before heading out the door.
Craig took a deep breath and took a second to feel alive. Gurning his face off, he looked out the window on to the street where people were spilling out from the club. His people.
His brain was firing off at a hundred miles an hour, but it wasn’t any effort for him to stumble into the back room, collapse onto a mattress and pass out with a smile on his face.
He felt ready. Free.


Chapter Two

Chapter One

This is the second chapter I’ve written. It’s a continuation of the story of Chapter One, though Craig doesn’t feature in it. Give it a read and let me know what you think.

As Craig walked out of the door of the quiet room, a tall, thin woman in a long white dress came in. Her name was Molly and she was in a right state. Her black mascara – dry on her cheeks – made it obvious she had been crying. She shuddered her way to the bar and got the attention of Alison, a barmaid known for taking no shit.
“Ali…” spluttered the woman, “Ali, any chance I can borrow some money?”
Ali looked at Molly with a stoney stare before responding. “What do you need it for?”
“It’s im,” replied Molly, making every effort to keep her voice low, “E’s on my back again.”
Molly was an old friend of Alison’s. They had been to school together. When Molly met Tom she was happier than Alison had ever seen. Alison knew it was just a matter of time before the scumbag showed himself for what he was. He had given Molly two black eyes, cheated on her numerous times, and allegedly pushed her down the stairs during a drunken argument – while Molly was pregnant. And all of this before her 18th birthday.
When she met Tom, drama was just part of the package. They’d be lovers for life one minute, and beating the shit into each other the next. Alison could literally not go longer than a week without hearing about Tom being a ‘fuckin prick’.
Molly had always had a problem with drugs. Alison didn’t touch that shit. All she knew was drinking, shouting, and fucking. Getting zonked out of your brain was no way to spend your time. Molly, though…
When Molly had Andrew, Alison truly believed her platitudes of getting off the smack and back into the real world. To this day, Alison didn’t know whether Molly was lying to her or to herself. Either way, who cares? She left that poor boy for hours alone in that house. She was there, but she wasn’t there. Slumped up against the wall, dreaming and drooling her world away… While the baby cried and cried.
It wasn’t right.
It didn’t take long – although, sadly in this fucked up country, it still took too long – before social services were involved. Long story short, that piece of shit Tom is now responsible for collecting childcare payments from Molly. A ‘payment’ he seems to be able to elect to take however he likes.
God knows what that slimy fucker’s got on her, but Molly is well and truly fucked.
“E came round earlier and I told im to fuck off, like I do,” Molly explained over a tall lager, “But then e says the usual… Said I av to pay up or e’ll av me back in court.”
Alison looked on with concern as Molly started to tear up. “Ow much do ew need, Moll?”
“Not much, like… Say a hundred quid.”
“A hundred?!”
“Yeah, I told ew. I’m properly in the shit yer. I’ll get it back to ew, Al, I promise!”
“Give me a minute.”
Alison stood up and walked behind the bar, to a balcony which overlooked the dark alley beside the building. She pulled out a fag and puffed. She didn’t even know if she had a hundred quid in her bank account. Oh, Molly, that girl is fucked in the head.
While Alison stared out into the darkness, Ben joined her on the balcony. “Alrigh, Al?” he asked, pulling out a cigarette of his own.
“Ben, av ew heard this shit with Moll? Tha bastard is robbin er again!”
“Yeah, Al, about tha… She asked me if I could get er any the other day. Reckon she’s on the prowl, like.”
“Whaddyou mean?! She wouldn’t lie to me, you stirrin cunt.”
“Fuck off, Ali. I’m tellin ew the truth. Why would I lie abou tha?”
Alison flicked her cigarette off the balcony and stormed back into the bar.
“Ow much did ew say you need, Moll?” she shouted across the room.
“A-a hundred or somethin…” Molly timidly replied.
“Oh yeah? Whas that for then? SMACK ISIT?” Alison began to make her way across the room towards her friend.
“N-no! Ali! Wha the fuck-”
But Alison had already grabbed her friend by the hair and swung her across the room. Molly fell into some barstools, and slumped on the floor. “YOU CAN FUCK OFF AN ALL!” boomed Alison, “FILTHY SMACK ED!”
Molly bunched her dress up to her eyes and cried and cried.
Alison booted her.
“Come on! Fuck off then!”
Molly got slowly to her feet and wobbled and out of the room, dignity in shatters.
“We don serve smack eds in ere!” Alison announced to the room, “If any of ew got anyfin to say, you can fuck off an all.”
Nobody moved, so Alison beat a hasty retreat out to the balcony to suck on another fag.

Chapter Three

Chapter One

This is part of a new series I’m trying on this blog. Sometimes I think of ideas for stories or characters. Sometimes it will be a scene, sometimes it will be a conversation, sometimes it’s just an image. I never make the effort to try to turn any of these ideas into actual narratives or written stories. Now, through my blog, I will be writing and posting stories here. I may write extensively about some characters (as with the first three I will be posting, which follow the story of the same character), and some will be one offs. It will really just depend on whether anything comes to me. Either way, the point is that all of these characters exist in the same universe. I won’t elaborate on that any further because it feels a bit up myself. Fair warning: you might think this is just shit. If it’s not for you, that’s okay. I’m just trying it out. So here we go…

Bright lights beaming from car headlights illuminated the wet streets and old stone architecture that was typical of most British cities. People gathered in a cold flock outside greasy chip shops and dirty pizza places. Places that were open for maybe another half an hour for the disorderly masses that were shuffling across town to feast upon whatever fatty foods they could find.
It was closing time. And the freaks were out.
Despite the sounds of metal shutters shrieking shut and anonymous taxi drivers circling for prey, one man stumbled against the crowd.
“Where are ew?” he whined into his phone, “I’m comin now. I’m nearly in town.”
Phone in one hand and a large, two litre bottle mixed with cheap voddy and knockoff Coke in the other, the man had henceforth been only dimly aware of his surroundings. So it was with a feeling of suppressed shock that he noticed the green fairy lights that lined the window of the chippy on the corner of the road.
“I’ll ring ew back now,” announced the man, “I’m gonna pop into the club. I’ll come down after. Wait a minute. Just wait a minute!”
Satisfied that he had been given a chance to use his loud voice, he hung up the phone and approached the entrance of the chip shop.
“Craig! CRAIG!” a voice bellowed from across the road, “Oi! Craig!”
Craig turned slowly to assess the scene behind him. A handsome young man who Craig knew to be an old friend from school was sitting on a wall smoking a cigarette and waving at him. Matching his friend’s smile, Craig quickly made his way across the street to greet his friend.
“Orite Danny! Ows it goin, mush? Aven’t seen ew in yonks!”
His friend grinned back, “Yeah, not bad, kid. Jus gettin on with it like. Wha bout you? Someone told us ew n Kenny were avin some troubles?”
Craig turned sour. “Kenny. Tha bastard. I swear to God if I sees im I’ll fuckin kill im an you can tell im tha n all!”
“Wha appened, kid?”
Kenny, as it happened, had been spreading rumours about Craig indulging in crack. Craig refuted this claim with vigour, and did not like the implication that he spent his time with smack heads and thieves. He had a reputation to uphold.
“Fuckin ell, kid. If I sees im I’ll give im a smack an all. Where you off to now anyway?”
“Jus gonna pop in the club, innit,” replied Craig, “See if I can find Brent.”
And with that, the two friends said their goodbyes and Craig continued on his way, but only after promising to give Danny a call soon. He crossed the road, threw his now empty bottle of booze on the pavement, and entered the rickety wooden staircase embedded into the wall beside the chip shop. The staircase had just enough space to fit one person between its claustrophobic walls. The heavy scent of sweat and various bodily odours hung in the air, suffocating the prisoners inside. Climbing the steep steps was no easy feat for Craig on a normal day (whatever that meant), but blind drunk as he was, it was a miracle he didn’t trip and crash to the bottom with a broken neck. He stopped half way to catch his breath and could hear the faint booming of the DJ’s sound system echoing from above. Panting, Craig made one last push and made it to the top of the staircase. Noise polluted the tiny space.
People shouting.
Glasses clinking.
And the music going on
and on
and on.
This place was not for the faint of heart – no siree. This place was for the wild cats, loose from their cages. For the jungle animals with no sense of time or place. This was a portal to a new realm. The kind of place that regular folk prefer to not exist. You could go your whole life and never think to enter the dimly lit corridor floating, detached from the rest of the world. And why would you? This was considered by the dayfolk the ‘dodgy’ part of town. Fuck off is it dodgy! This is home. This is a hidden cave on a hidden beach where the pirates come to play. Cheap booze flows down into dirty glasses, and cheap powder flows up into dry, blood-flecked noses. Stumble in here at your own risk, because if you can’t hold your own, you’ll be out on your arse in a matter of minutes.
Craig closed his eyes and smiled. He hadn’t been here in forever and he took a moment to appreciate what he’d been missing.
After having his moment, he squeezed through the crowd and squeaked on the floorboards down the corridor to the club room. The techno music had changed from the rhythmic thud thud thuds to a more complicated and excited beat. He took a moment to compose himself, and pushed open the thin wooden door.
Inside was an almost entirely dark room, lit very faintly by a purple light. Silhouettes of drunked up coked up hardcore ravers danced around the room like ghosts. The DJ’s face was lit by a small lamp – his smug grin popping out of the darkness.
“Cunt,” Craig muttered, and proceeded to the bar.
Behind the bar stood a man wearing full-sized headphones which almost doubled the size of his head. He pulled them down around his neck as Craig approached, and sneered at him. “Alrigh Craig?” he asked.
“Gaz, ows it goin, mush? I’m lookin for Brent, av ew seen im?”
The man looked at Craig for a few moments before responding, and in those moments Craig was violently overcome by a strong desire to glass him in the fucking head. This man was a judgy cunt, and Craig detested him.
“Avent seen im, no. Maybe e’s in the other room.”
Frustrated that Gaz couldn’t help him, Craig nudged his way out of the club room and back down the corridor to another door. This one was slightly ajar, and the sound of people murmuring to each other came from within. When Craig went inside, serious faces looked up suddenly at him, as if he had just caught them in the middle of plotting a scheme. But in a few moments, the flock settled down and went back to their quiet drinks.
Again, Craig approached the bar. It was apparent that Brent was not here so, to console himself, Craig took a seat on one of the bar stools, and ordered a drink.
“Do us a pint, will ew, Ben?” he asked the bartender sadly.
Craig fumbled with his phone and tried to send a text to Brent as best he could through his blurred vision.
“Craig!” boomed the voice of Jack, his business partner, as he entered the room, “Where the hell have you been? I haven’t see you in two months!”
“Alrigh Jack… Ad to get outta town for a bit, like,” mumbled Craig.
“We’ve been in right shit over here! Noise complaints like you wouldn’t believe. They’re close to shutting this place down! Where av you been?” he repeated, not satisfied with Craig’s first answer.
“I gorrin some troubles, but it’s all sorted now!” replied Craig, slightly louder than he expected.
“We can’t keep going on like this, Craig… You just disappearing for months on end. It’s gotta stop.”
“I know… I know!” half ashamed and half belligerent, Craig went on, “Look, I’ve got my act together now. I wanna help out with this place. I forgot wha it was like. This is well good! Jus tell me what ew need, and I’ll do it.”
“Craig…” Jack hesitated.
At that moment, Ben brought Craig his pint. “Yer you go, Craig.”
“You can fuck off if you think you can jus av tha!” shrieked Jack, “Disappear for months and then think you can help yourself to the cider. Piss off!”
“I wuz gonna pay for it!” Craig lied, “I’ll get the money to ew tomorrow. I swears it.”
Jack left, exasperated.
Craig drank, defeated.
Sometimes people are known to come to great epiphanies when under the influence of alcohol. Usually these ideas are optimistic. Hopeful. While he sat there, sipping his pint, Craig was struck by a drunken epiphany far more potent than any he had felt before. This hole in the wall was his kingdom. Along with Jack and Dom, he owned this place. Ownership of property was not something many of his kind could claim. And he was squandering it – pissing it down the drain like everything else in his life. Not anymore! From now on, he was going to get his head down, go back to school if he had to, and run this fucking club!
It was then that he remembered the bag of ecstasy in his pocket, and he waddled off to the club room for a little nosey.

Chapter Two

Some Thoughts from Boudhanath


Today I spent the entire day drinking coffee and writing in my notebook at a little cafe next to Boudhanath Stupa (sadly damaged by the earthquake last year). Give anyone enough time in their own head and they are bound to start thinking about all sorts. For me, today was about stopping to reflect about my life, this blog, and my relationships with others.

I don’t have any big insights to my personal life to share with you all just now, but spending my time here today really made me see the value in pausing to rethink things. It’s very easy to get wrapped up in our lives or projects and become very single minded about things. We drop into the same thought patterns and ways of approaching our problems. Often the help of a friend can jolt you out of that when they offer an alternative perspective on something, or show a blindspot in your thinking. Communicating with my friends has become a rare commodity in my life in Nepal due to the time differences with those back home, so I have only myself to turn to to try to crack writers block or a lack of motivation.

It’s extremely important to stop in life and dedicate a specific period of time to writing down how you feel about things, or how you plan to approach a new problem. Brainstorming or just free writing your thoughts on to a page can be a very useful tool for doing this. This may sound obvious (and it is) but in a time when we get less and less time for introspection, it’s so easy to fall into a routine and we stop questioning our assumptions about things.

Who am I? Oh yeah, I’m that pretentious, slightly desperate, beardy narcissist!

Thanks to my time spent here today, I have finally cracked some pretty huge problems in relation to my blog and other projects I have in the pipeline. I don’t have much more to add, and I apologise this post might not be particularly substantive, but I just wanted to share with you all what I’m going through right now – and hopefully get you as excited as I am! Consider me reinvigorated and refreshed! I hope to provide you with high quality content over the next few months and years with a new perspective on the blog and a fresh attitude.

Thanks for sticking with me, my very humble fan base. I know there are only maybe two or three people who actively read this blog (other than friends in real life), and even that means so much. It gives me the will to keep going so thank you! See you on Saturday, have a good week. 🙂

4 Things I’ve Learned by Moving to Nepal


They say that travel is a life changing experience, one that can open the mind and cause reevaluation of your thoughts and opinions. While I don’t like to put myself in a box with those who pretentiously brag about their ‘gap yah‘ (I’ve already written about tourists who use foreign countries for their own personal gain and kudos), I would be lying if I said that being immersed in a culture that is vastly different from the UK hasn’t had an impact on me, albeit in quite personal ways. So without further ado, here are four things I’ve come to realise since moving here.

1. Relax & Accept

Before coming to Nepal, I was a pretty high-strung person. My friends would probably have described me as neurotic (and that would be the nice way of putting it). Things breaking or not going according to plan is a part of everyday life in Nepal and the people here are completely accustomed to it. I don’t know where it comes from – I guess the Buddhist/Hindu background from which the country has developed – but there is a real sense of acceptance that permeates the culture. If things are out of your control or don’t happen the way you want them to, there is a saying that the Nepali people use – key gar ney (I hope I have spelt that right), which means “what to do?” Meaning, if something happens that is beyond your control, why bother spending time complaining about it? There is also a well known humorous saying used by Nepalis and Westerners alike, ‘Nepali time’. If you are told someone – say, the plumber – will be around in 30 minutes, you have to allow a margin of several hours before expecting them to actually show up. Everything is very slow paced here, and that teaches patience. It also taught me to be less entitled. If I am not actually in any sort of rush, then why do I get frustrated if service is slow? Why not take life as it comes and experience every moment, including the things that go right and the things that go wrong. Living moment by moment is an important part of life in Nepal and is something I will definitely take home with me. To think now that I used to boil with rage if a bus was late or cancelled is crazy. Things happen when they happen and spontaneity is a virtue, not a problem. It’s far more productive and just plain fun to take advantage of those times when your ideal plan for the day or the hour gets changed and do something new. It’s a cliche, but it’s true that it’s in those moments when you really experience life.


2. Pause & Think

This is something that meditation has really helped me come to appreciate and understand. We spend a great deal of our time just reacting to the environment around us. Mostly for me, it’s the people around me. I have a tendency to react very impulsively, emotionally and rashly to the things people say or do. I get offended or irritated quite easily. I am quite a demanding friend, requiring a lot of time and attention from others. While I accept that this is just who I am and have no desire to change it, what I can change is my reaction and expectations of those around me. For example, when I am sad about something, I can be pretty needy as a boyfriend and need a lot of affection etc. Coming from this perspective, I easily slip into this state of mind where the needs of the partner are not considered and I then get upset or angry, and don’t feel supported when I am imposing myself on somebody who is trying to relax or concentrate on other things. Through meditation, I have been trying to learn to stop in those moments of irrationality and empathise with everyone involved in the situation. I am far from perfect at this, but I have significantly improved throughout my time in Nepal. I have stopped relying so much on other people, and have began to found happiness within myself instead. I have become better at taking a step back, calming down, and letting go of unhelpful or hurtful feelings. Too often we let our lives be dictated by the whims of our feelings, and are thrown around by whatever we feel in that moment. Taking the time to really stop and think to yourself ‘I am feeling insert emotion here‘ and really letting yourself experience how that emotion feels so you can better understand it is so important. By doing this over a long period of time, you come to recognise how you feel a lot quicker and can stop yourself from acting impulsively as a reaction to that feeling.


3. Break Your Own Rules

This one is particularly pertinent to me and might not be relatable to anyone else. I am a rigid man. I am an incredibly structured man. I am a very systematic person. Anyone who knows me at all knows that every single thing I do in life is too complicated unless I can codify, categorise, and systemise it. Even people I have known for upwards of ten years are still surprised when they find out that something that I do which, on the surface, probably looks spontaneous or productive, is actually the result of an outright crazy complex system of rules that I have created for myself. I’ll give some examples, starting with quite a ‘normal’ one, relatively speaking. I constantly break time up into chunks of 5, 15, 30, and 60 minute intervals. So, let’s say I send a text to somebody asking if they are still planning to come to a party one night… I will systematically check my phone for texts on each of those milestones and will probably have a different rule depending on the situation. Like if I don’t hear anything in an hour, send them a message on Facebook instead… or give up on the fact that they are coming. But it will be down to the precise minute. That one might not be that crazy (this says a lot, I can’t even tell how weird these are to other people!), but another example would be this book I was planning on writing. I planned it for maybe two months before I realised I had completely sucked the fun out of it. That’s because those two months planning were spent doing the following:

  1. Think up 100 different types of characters
  2. Think up 100 different needs a character might have
  3. Think up 100 different settings or locations
  4. Think up 100 different themes
  5. Go through each list and pick one out of two of the ideas
  6. With the remaining 50 from each list, repeat the process (and I am not talking about just halving the list… It would be idea 1 v idea 2, idea 3 v idea 4 etc…)
  7. With the remaining 25, pick one in 5
  8. With the remaining 5, pick one from each
  9. With the now semi random mixture of different characters, themes, needs and settings, put it all together and make it into a story

This process took me two months and the idea I was left with was obviously deeply flawed. I was able to make a premise for a plot out of it, which was surprising. But obviously the ideas that I came up with in isolation did had baggage attached. I imaged a particular story for a particular character, with its own themes and settings.. That is how normal people use their creativity. I had to systemise it in order to feel like I was being productive and in the end decided to just give up and make this blog instead. For somebody who has the desire to be creative, and can have that spark ignited when working with others, if I’m left on my own I go a bit nuts.

That very long insight into my mental brain aside, I have learned that it’s important to question your assumptions or patterns of behaviour. I think everyone has ‘rules’, they might just not think of them as such. Obviously not everyone goes about it like me (most people enjoy living), but we all become victims of our own principles and lines of thinking. They do imprison us. Often when we are faced with a new idea, we can be cynical off the bat. This especially seems to be the case around issues such as feminism. Before meeting my girlfriend and discussing her views on feminism, I believed that I believed in equal rights and that women were fine really. It took months of arguing about the subject for her to finally show me that my worldview was completely skewed and that I had privilege and blah blah blah (a topic for another blog post). The point here is that the things we take for granted in everyday life are all subjective and can all be changed! That’s the great part about being human, we have the means to expose ourselves to different views and different people’s experiences to open our minds and question how we do things. This should be something we collectively cherish, but sadly, practically, too many people push back against a worldview that is different from their own. Be open minded. Spend just one day assuming you are wrong about everything. Catch yourself when you are deep in thought and play devil’s advocate, but do it from the perspective that you are actually wrong as opposed to using different arguments to bolster your position on a subject.


4. Put Yourself Out There

I already talked about this at length in a creative sense on this blog, but I am talking more about personal relationships now. There is a bitter irony to the fact that in the modern world, while being more connected than ever through the internet, we are completely disconnected in our relationships with other people. ‘Facebook stalking’ is an actual thing people do. We all have a list of maybe five or ten people who we keep an eye on on social media, and we know it’s weird because we hardly even know those people. Something stops us from just sending them a message to say hi and ask them to go for a coffee or a drink or whatever. These are the basics of making friends. I think it becomes especially harder as you get older. I think that if you meet people and don’t immediately hit it off and become friends, then it just becomes a bit weird to start talking to someone new – or to be honest about your intentions. Why is it so weird for someone to say “hey, I think you seem like a cool person and would like to get to know you better, do you wanna meet up?” And I am not talking about the dating world at all here. I guess we are afraid of rejection and in a way it’s fair enough. Many people would react negatively to that. I have always maintained that I would go for a drink with literally anybody if they asked me to, no matter how weird it was or how little we knew each other. Because why not? Nepali people I have met care a lot less for stupid social boundaries. If you meet a Nepali person who likes you (or even if they hardly know you), they will invite you in as if you were best friends. They don’t have this unhelpful sense that it might be weird or invasive or anything. They are just upfront with their intentions and just nice people. This is a huge thing that I am going to take back with me to the UK. For years now I have had people who I have admired from afar, and only recently realised that it is that behaviour that is far more weird than me just striking up a conversation with them and potentially making a new friend. Yes, there are people who will be a dick about it if you message them like that… And to those people I say, fuck it. If they react badly to you just being upfront, genuine and honest, then why do you let that asshole make you feel bad for trying? Don’t do that. I’m not sure if I’m talking to you, my reader, here or myself. It doesn’t matter. Just do it, yeah?


So, as my time in Nepal slowly begins to wrap up, those are my four main takeaways from my time here. I am really excited to begin the next chapter in my life and see how this new mentality goes down in the UK. Thanks for reading and I’ll see you on Wednesday.

Becoming Disheartened


Before starting this blog, I read lots of advice about how to approach writing and took the experiences of many other bloggers into account while creating a strategy for it. I read that it was inevitable that after a few months, the drive for the blog will begin to fade. After those burning topics that you always wanted to talk about had been shared with the world, and the following still hadn’t grown to the levels you hoped, you will begin to become disheartened with your blog and will want to quit. The advice I heard over and over again was don’t give up. I’ve mentioned in previous blog posts that I have a habit of picking up projects for a little while and then dumping it by the wayside. Only a few months ago, I poured so much time into planning a novel. I planned it in so much detail that I completely ruined the experience for myself. It started to become more of a chore than something I was excited about. Sadly, this is also becoming the case with this blog.

I am not writing this post to whine or even to solicit encouragement or feedback. But I  decided before I even started writing my first post that this space would be mine to use to talk about anything and everything in a frank and honest manner. I also want to share this very real experience with the rest of the world because to pretend it doesn’t exist is just silly. Writing a blog – a consistent one anyway – is hard. Thinking up two posts a week and finding the time to write it isn’t easy. Consistently posting on social media and feeling like you are talking into a vacuum is incredibly demotivating.

The brain goes to dark places. When you see that other people have started similar projects and in that time have gained a much larger following (and, of course, when watching others it always looks so easy), feelings of insecurity, jealousness, and bitterness bubble to the surface. I am still learning how to deal with these feelings. But it’s hard. You start to think that maybe you just aren’t cut out for it, and the temptation to give up grows.

But I won’t give up. I already decided that I will try this for at least a year before making a decision like that. So in the meantime, I will go through ups and downs, but I will continue to push out content about the things that matter to me. That is another decision I made myself. I am not interesting in filling a niche. I do not want to write a ‘travel blog’ or a ‘book blog’. Other people do that and that’s fine. But I don’t have a single passion that I care about enough to focus on just that. In fact, I think if I decided to dedicate this blog to only one of my hobbies, it would ruin that hobby for me. I want to write about a range of subjects and hopefully other people can find things here that might interest them too. But writers block is a horrible feeling – especially when coupled with a non-negotiable (although obviously self-imposed) rule of producing two posts a week. I keep a list of subjects to cover on my laptop and nowadays when I come to choose one none of them ignite a spark in me, and I find it very difficult to think of new ones. Perhaps I need to give the blog more time, perhaps I need a break. I’m not sure. I would be interested to hear from fellow bloggers what they have done to combat this feeling as I know I can’t be the only person who has ever experienced this.

Top 5 Movie & TV News


Another month, another roundup of what’s got me excited in the movie and TV world recently! From a review from Cannes about two women who escape a mental hospital, to Bill Maher and Michael Moore vowing to take down Donald Trump, the news is varied and infinitely interesting. Here it is.

Ellen Page to star in zombie horror ‘The Third Wave’

Source: Screen Daily

Juno star taking the lead in post-apocalyptic horror.

This movie sounds incredible! It’s a fresh perspective on the zombie genre, being set after a cure has been found and the once-zombified population are returning to society. Trying to move on as a world when so many individuals have committed such atrocities is a unique take and the information in the article shared above gives just enough of a taste to get my hype train rolling. Also, the proof of concept short film which serves as a sequel to The Third Wave is very well done. Check it out below.

Cannes Film Review: ‘Like Crazy’

Source: Variety

A terrific comedy-drama about two women in a mental institution that avoids the pitfalls such a scenario could encounter and boasts delicious dialogue with a rare sense of balance.

I actually only clicked on this link because I thought it was about this movie with the same name. I’m glad I made this mistake because Like Crazy sounds like an excellent little movie. It’s always nice to see movies that focus on a relationship between two female characters because it’s rare in movies, and it’s interesting to see the subtle ways that different movies depict them. I’ll be keeping my ear to the ground for this one.


This Week In Trailers: Little Men, Thank You For Playing, My Love, Don’t Cross That River, The Land, Chasing Asylum

Source: /Film

The first three trailers in this article look really good! The last two are a bit more meh, but still seem like they could have potential. I particularly like the Little Men and The Land trailers. It’s hard to add any more than what the article itself already says, but just go ahead and watch the trailers to see if anything jumps out.

Jennifer Lawrence, Lena Dunham Rewriting the Script for Women in Hollywood, Execs Say

Source: Variety

“At the agency level, there’s a lot of talk and awareness and desire,” UTA’s Rena Ronson told the crowd at Variety and Kering’s Women in Motion discussion. “There are women directors who want to be participating in franchises. We’re putting them on the list and that’s where you see the change, at the script level and studio level.”

While I don’t know if I like Lena Dunham and Jennifer Lawrence on a personal level, if people in the industry are saying that their activism is having a positive impact, then it has to give pause. I think it’s great that conversations like this are happening and that a platform is slowly forming for women in Hollywood to start fighting for more equality.


Michael Moore, Bill Maher Vow to ‘Take Down’ Donald Trump (Video)

Source: THE WRAP

This made me do a little sick. I don’t really like Bill Maher anyway (his show usually resembles more of a rally than a talk show), but combined with Michael Moore, a man I find equally cringey, this video ultimately becomes an opportunity for two completely unself-aware ‘hip, truth-speaking’ dudes to measure each other’s dicks for a few minutes in the guise of having serious political debate. It’s so embarrassing for liberals.